wasting bandwidth since 2005

“Your bound to find hundreds of exciting and unusual uses for me” Truer words were never spoken (shudder). The thinly veiled wink, wink, nudge, nudge, subtext to this ad is hysterical. “Made with startling detail” I am to assume means some kind of orifice in the vicinity of the crotch. How many 13 year old boys did they think would mail off their hard earned lawnmower money for the possible opportunity of a humiliating conversation with their mothers after retrieving the days mail.

Mom: “Jimmy! Why the hell is there a inflatable doll in the mail addressed to you?”

Jimmy: “I thought it would be a great burglar deterrent (read ad copy).”

Mom: “Why does it need a vagina then?”

Jimmy has spent the majority of his adult life in therapy.

Masto.

Odds are that if you even picked up a comic book from the mid 60′s to the early 80′s you saw this ad. This thing must have been printed tens of thousands of times. I always remember seeing it on the inside back cover of just about everything I read.

I would love to know just how many of these damn footlockers they actually sold for a buck 98, it was a buck and a quarter through most of the 70′s. Or how much they made on them. Notice the dimensions of the “footlocker”. That is roughly the size of a children’s shoe box. Let’s do the math shall we. At 6x3x3 roughly we are just under 60 square inches. Which means you have about 1.5 army men per square inch. That is not a big army man in my book. But there is nothing in the ad that says “big army men”. With that and a price break down of under 2 cents a man my gut tells me there were not a lot of oohs and aahs when you ripped open that parcel. And you know you would be just dying inside day after day waiting for that package to arrive. And the wait? An ungodly 5 to 6 weeks! Holy Christ when you are 10 three days is a lifetime. This is probably why I never bought the things. 5 to 6 weeks…pfft. no way in hell.

Masto.

PS. My curiosity has been satisfied. Thank God for Google. Check them out here.

Krak-A-Jap!

That is pretty much all you need to know. This is light years away from the “kinder, gentler” warfare we have today. Back then it was across the board. Everything was fair game. Our enemies entire race was deemed sub-human and worthy of extermination. Ah good times.

Could you imagine the rioting in the streets over the “Massacre-A-Muslim” or “Assault-A-Arab” toy guns.

Masto.

I loved this stuff as a kid. And this was as cool as it got. Monsters; check, get to build a model; check, other cool things you could get to go with said model of monster; check and double check. Aurora made groovy monster sets. Everything from Japaneese monsters to the classics. You have to enjoy the kit for “victim”. A model of some busty brunette (or blonde if you have the right paint) dressed in some skimpy tattered outfit screaming her head off. Love it. Hell, I would build one now.

Masto.